How to help an insecure person? 6 keys to give you support

. How to help an insecure person? As a state, insecurity is something we all feel from time to time and it is totally normal. Life is not a bed of roses and on many occasions obstacles appear on that path that make us feel unsafe The problem comes when this is a trait, a definite character of the insecure person.

We all know someone who is extremely insecure deep down. She may hide it by being very critical of others or, it may also happen, that she is so afraid of what they will say that she is constantly avoiding other human beings for fear of what they think of her.

Whether we are friends, family or even your partner, it hurts us to see how the insecure person suffers and, on many occasions, makes others suffer. For this reason we are going to find out how to help an insecure person from the context of a friendship or a family or partner relationship, understanding their suffering and also putting ourselves in their shoes.

How to help an insecure person? Tips for how to help and support an insecure person

Everyone, at some point in their lives, has felt insecure. This is something totally normal since on more than one occasion it can happen that we live an experience that makes us question our abilities.

Whether it is a disappointment, a failure or a failure what has happened, it is normal for us to question our worth. But nevertheless, It is also normal for us to overcome it, learn from it and understand that in this life we ​​cannot be perfect And sometimes things don’t go the way we wanted. Nothing happens.

The problem is that there are people who constantly think like this. They have a very negative perception of themselves and the world. They do not see themselves as capable people and fear that others will judge them or discover all the weaknesses that they believe they have. His insecurity is not something fleeting, but a trait of his personality or a state that has settled for too long in his way of being, completely destroying his self-esteem.

Whether it is our partner, our friend or a relative, it hurts us to see how his insecurity prevents him from enjoying life, putting into question everything that he undoubtedly possesses but cannot see. But nevertheless, It often happens that we do not know how to help this type of people since their own insecurity acts as a barrier or even as a repellent, since some insecure people choose to avoid social contact, fearing they will be harmed.

Other insecure people are not tame, quite the contrary. They are supercritical of what we do and we stop doing, making jokes, humorous comments … It seems that they are trying to destroy our self-esteem, to make us insecure. As they do not know how to manage their insecurity, they choose to look for the complexes of others, those small defects that everyone has to try to raise their own self-esteem a little. The problem is, this doesn’t work and, in reality, it becomes just another dysfunctional way of managing her mistrust of herself.

Whether you are acting away from people or engaging in toxic behavior, you can help overcome insecurities with a loved one. In the following lines we will see how to help an insecure person, especially by putting into practice our empathy, patience and ability to identify and manage the strengths and weaknesses of the person we are trying to help.

How to help an insecure person? 1. Practice empathy

Each person has their good things and their bad things and their behavior can be largely explained by their experiences. Not all of us have been raised in the same environment nor have our parents exercised the same type of parenting. The type of environment in which we grow up during the first years of life greatly shapes our personality and it is in this period that the trait of insecurity can emerge.

If we want to help an insecure person to have more self-confidence The first thing we must do is understand where that personality comes from. We must not constantly remind her of the problems she may have due to her insecurity, since she already knows them first hand, but rather understand what has caused it.

You have to take into account that insecure people are very aware of what others tell them. Depending on how we tell them, they may get the wrong idea of ​​what we think of them. For this reason we must be careful with how we say things to them. We must be empathetic, trying to understand what it must be like to be in their shoes.

How to help an insecure person? 2. Highlight its qualities

Insecure people are highly critical of themselves and, blinded by a brutal negativity bias, are unable to see all the strengths they possess on their own. For this reason our task will be to highlight its qualities. By making you aware of all the good things you have we can help build a little confidence and self-confidence..

This task is really easy if the person we are helping is our friend or partner, since it would not make much sense to continue by their side if we were unable to find something good for them.

In fact, it is even possible that we know talents and abilities of that person that we have never mentioned because they are so apparently obvious that we trusted that they already knew them, something that if we tell them perhaps it is even a pleasant surprise for him or her.

3. Make him see that nobody is perfect

Perfectionism is a common trait in these people, that is, obsessing over doing the best they can thinking that, if they do not get it, they are not worth it. The problem is that they never succeed and they get frustrated, and their self-esteem sinks even more than it already was. It is normal that they do not achieve it, not because they are not worth it, but because perfection does not exist.

We must make them understand that neither we nor they nor anyone else is perfect, and nothing happens. The ideal is to get him to see the balance between his strengths that undoubtedly possesses, and its weaknesses, weak points that are not unchangeable.

Seeing how good you have you can build a self-esteem based on real things, strengths that you have. On the other hand, knowing what weaknesses you have and what things you can improve and what will not give you much mental health, since you will not waste energy unnecessarily in changing what cannot be changed.

4. Encourage her

Motivating insecure people is one of the best ways to increase your self-esteem and give them confidence and security. Words of encouragement are good medicine for those who have had very unpleasant experiences which have made them question their worth very much. In addition to telling them their strengths, we can motivate them to fulfill what they set out to do, make them see that we trust that they will achieve their goals.

5. Know their insecurities

By knowing your insecurities, we do not mean having to put up with complaints about your complexes and problems, but rather asking you to honestly tell us what it is that worries you, what your feelings are and which people you think are criticizing you or not. they look at it with good eyes.

The idea is to find out exactly what worries them and make them understand, by analyzing what they tell us, what is real in their concerns. Many times they will tell us that they think others are talking about them, but what actually happens is that in their mind they have created that idea, which they believe without proof. It is, in effect, a paranoid idea which you can only understand that it is not true if another person makes you see it.

6. Be patient

Patience is the mother of science, and also of the good friend. Sometimes the insecure person we are trying to help will begin to complain about what they think is happening, spilling a whole list of conspiratorial thoughts about what is going on around them or what others are thinking. It may happen that that person defends himself by criticizing us, since that is his defense mechanism.

Regardless of the way the person we are trying to help acts, we must be patient. He may make harmful comments to us, or he may even begin to say that he is really not worth it, that he is useless and that there is no point in trying to make him see the good things because he does not think he has them. It is true that all this is very tiring, but sooner or later we will get into your mind and stop this cycle of mistrust, fear and insecurities.

Bibliographic references:

  • Simpson, JA, & Steven Rholes, W. (2017). Adult Attachment, Stress, and Romantic Relationships. Current opinion in psychology, 13, 19–24.
  • Goleman, D. (1996). emotional intelligence. Anales de Psicología / Annals of Psychology.
  • Eduardo Bericat. (2012). Emotions. Sociopedia, yes.
  • Margot, J.-P. (2007). The happiness. Philosophical Praxis.

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